Blog With My Accent!  N.º 3 – Only What Fits in My Pocket and in My Heart 🇬🇧

Only What Fits in My Pocket and in My Heart* by Alan Leites

In our last meeting, after some reflection on “who we are”, in the sense of where we find ourselves right now, I left you with a provocative question: What do you want from what you want?

But before trying to answer that one, maybe we should start with another question, often a tough one:
Where do you want to go?

On the one hand, not knowing what we’re supposed to do with our lives for a while, and being okay with that, can feel really freeing (and honestly, this writer thinks it’s fantastic). But sooner or later, we find ourselves on some kind of road that leads to a crossroads. And sometimes, there’s more than one path ahead.

Those pauses we take, whether life offers them up as a gift or not, tend to give us just enough time (or almost enough) to catch our breath. And then, at some point, we lift our heads and look toward the horizon we’re meant to walk… and right then, of course, some old travel companions show up, uninvited as always: pressure, anxiety, deadlines, and all those lovely uncertainties. They sit down with us, make themselves at home, pour a nice hot cup of tea, and serve up a “generous” dose of their usual flavors, bitter, more often than not, but always presented in a beautiful cup.

Which brings us back to the question driving this piece: Where to next?

I’m reminded once again of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, when the young girl is wandering through the woods and comes across a cat sitting high up in a tree. Unsure, she asks:

—“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
—“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
—“I don’t much care where…” said Alice.
—“Then it doesn’t much matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
—“…so long as I get somewhere,” Alice added.
—“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”

This writer truly believes it’s pretty clear that moving in any direction is already a change, especially when you’re stuck or don’t know where to go. But… does just any place do the trick? Can we, at the very least, ask ourselves if there’s somewhere we definitely don’t want to go (or return to)?

After 40, or depending on your life circumstances, questions like that tend to hit differently. The risk of not knowing which path to take is obviously part of life. But when you start living with the sense that maybe, just maybe, you’ve already walked half your journey on this planet, based on the average human lifespan, not wanting to mess it up becomes a daily exercise in not wasting what time you have left.

It’s kind of like someone who loves coffee but, for medical reasons, is only allowed one cup a week. That one cup needs to be special, it might just become the highlight of the whole week. And if it’s not special... well, then what’s the point?

Those moments of rushing through life, burning your hands with a paper cup of coffee as you sip between escalator steps in the subway, hoping to jump on the train before the doors close, honestly? They stop being worth it.

It’s also true that as we grow older, life tends to simplify itself. What once felt essential may lose its weight. Some of those certainties we held onto since our youth? They fade. Time feels different now. And some old habits, ones we may have forgotten, start becoming a priority again: like having dinner with your loved ones, sharing the table with every being in your home (yes, pets included), talking about how the day went, raising a glass to another day survived, even if it’s just a $2 bottle from the supermarket or a simple glass of water.

That’s when you realize there’s no need to carry such heavy bags anymore. And the urge to carry only what truly matters becomes the key that opens the door to a new chapter. In short, it’s the quiet, powerful understanding that, from here on out, in every area of life… it’s only what fits in my pocket and in my heart.

And that idea ties in, philosophically, with Alice’s decision about which path to take: the road of utopia or the road of awareness. Because choosing something always means not choosing something else. We can’t have it all, and we start to see that some things just don’t fit anymore. Like having a phone full of messages and invites from “friends,” but when the tough moments hit… not having anyone to call. Or working so hard to maintain things we can’t even enjoy, and missing out on the magic of the simple stuff, like spending an afternoon in Madrid’s Parque de las Siete Tetas with friends, just hanging out, laughing, and watching the sunset with a drink in hand.

Now, free from the invisible handcuffs the system puts on us, maybe, just maybe, we can try choosing a path that actually brings us some joy. Something that connects with what stirs us deep inside. Something that feels like a real, personal challenge. And most importantly, something we’re proud to share with others, like it’s our own masterpiece, because, really, it is.

When so many opportunities spread out before us like a fan, picking a direction becomes a bit easier if it’s something that truly makes sense to us.But then comes the question we’ve been circling around since the last edition:

—“What do you want with what you want?” María asked Juan as they sipped their coffee, after he mentioned he was thinking about starting a YouTube channel.
—“Well, I want to talk about my passion for manga,” he answered, eyes glowing.
—“And once you get that going, what do you want to do with it?”
—“Hmm… I’d love to host in-person meetups where people like me can gather and discuss topics like LGBTQIA+ representation in manga.”
—“And what do you hope to achieve through that?”
—“Well… eventually I want to launch a festival where independent artists and writers like me can showcase our work around that theme, and give visibility to this whole movement. Then hopefully, create the first association for LGBTQIA+ indie manga creators—and use that to fight back against LGBTQIA+phobia.”
—“What a beautiful life project you have, Juan!” María said, beaming with pride for her friend.

And with that, this writer signs off—until the next edition.
Take good care of yourselves, and of those around you.

Alan Leites 🌻🐾

*This phrase has often been attributed to writer Cora Coralina, but according to literary portals, it does not appear in her official body of work and is of unknown authorship.